Habit-Creation

Habit-Creation {Part I}

Thus far, we have discussed our necessity for “change”, – the need as well as the fear of “too much” of it, our denial of any change that does not fit our precise desire. We spoke a little about perfectionism, our need for control/following rules, and, simultaneously, the search for personal freedom, fulfillment, excitement & instant self-gratification. All this coincides with the need to embrace our authentic selves & emotional needs whilst also focusing on drowning our own voice with the help of addictive behaviors. We addressed a few of these contradicting ideas we believe and the importance of feeling AND observing all these emotions as they come up. The first step towards change is noticing when there is a contradiction and addressing it. You might argue that this information is not new, we already know this. However, if we cannot reproduce a concept/idea we think we know in practice, can we really claim we understand it? Yes, most of us are experts when it comes to giving advice to others on how to “improve” their lives; how to act, dress, talk, how to raise their children, how to feel and be. We shame people for their out-of-the-“norm”-reactions simply because we are uncomfortable with that same feeling within ourselves. For example, if we feel discomfort when someone cries in front of us (this could make us irritated or angry) because we might have been suppressing our own sadness and tears, we feel ashamed for this “weakness”. Seeing someone cry might make us feel anger simply because we don’t allow ourselves to cry. We suppress our emotions and blame others for expressing them. We give advice, even though we are unable to follow them. The more advice we give, the more WE need to hear it. Essentially, what we expect of others is actually what we want for ourselves but our denial (and ego) gets in the way of us realizing this. We speak to each other from personal experience, and this makes it easy to understand why so many misunderstandings occur. If our experiences are different, how are we supposed to communicate? 

I believe this can be achieved through exchange and discussion. This includes explaining an idea at an individual’s level of comprehension (this could be through writing, through visuals, music, etc.). That is what I love about being a song writer, and also why I enjoy writing. The advice we give is that what we need to hear the most. For some reason, we think if we inspire someone with our words and they change, somehow it will automatically rub off on us too. We justify our existence through our beliefs and words. I think therefore I am, but what if what I think is wrong and I don’t know it? […] I see the irony, from a person writing a blog, however, I am not here trying to change anyone, I am writing this mostly for myself. I am quite aware that I have a great need within me, and I also understand that the more I work towards making my inner-self happy, the better and happier I am. All I do is follow my intuition. I listen to myself.

In order to change habits, easily and for the long term, we need to understand the reasons behind our old behavior. When we understand, we can make conscious decisions to correct the trajectory of our movement, so to speak, and progressively get to the place where we feel most comfortable. 

We want to change, we opt for a new life, a new “us”, a big change. We want to learn a new language,  move to another city, change our physical appearance, profession, personality. It seems easy to do in the beginning but the discomfort often becomes more noticeable than the change we would like to see. It feels wrong, it feels fake. The exterior changes but inside we are the same. This causes more stress, and after the “beginners” luck fades, we notice that it gets harder and harder to make real substantial change. LONG TERM is the goal, not the quick fix. No more faking it till you make it. I say feel it and be it. So, yes. We know what we should do, but that knowledge is not enough. This is why I propose a new way of viewing ourselves and a new approach to change. One that does not require sacrifice, one that might not feel good in the beginning, but that will become the best option for us in the long term, in the future. 

Ready to know what that is?